Don’t judge…

I see it all the time. Rape victims are afraid to speak up because they fear will be judged. I didn’t know how bad my rapist hurt me mostly because I blocked it out.  I remember in the beginning, I would tell my friends that I’d been raped countless of times.  They’d say “Why didn’t you leave him?” or “It’s your fault he did that to you…” It’s amazing to realize how much people’s words can hurt. My friends judged me, and for that reason they aren’t good friends anymore. My family wonders why I dropped out of school. They don’t realize that I have similar PTSD that war veterans have.  It’s an embarrassing topic, I know. I wish it didn’t happen, but because it happens we should be able to speak up about it and not get offended. Rape hurts. Sometimes it can ruin you.  It changes you and I realize now that being raped means we’re a survivor. I know there will always be a few people that judge, but realize that we are sensitive yet so strong.  Most of us have experienced more than you can imagine.

Don’t judge. I’m a survivor. It’s that simple.

A year after being raped… My haunted past

I wanted to post this as I feel it’s crucial to know what it’s like to be raped. I’ve gotten a lot of “oh that doesn’t sound bad” or “just get over it”. In the past year, I’ve suffered from memories rising. Trauma does that to you – it blocks your memory. You remember certain bits, but later other things come up.

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My dog has cancer. He’s been sick all summer. Today he was dying. It was so very hard to see him like that. He was there for me during the roughest time. He knew my abuser was bad.  He was there those nights I cried and now I cry for him.  I have been very upset today that I may see him die by tomorrow, but I really do hope he holds off until Tuesday so we can take him to the vet to go in peace.  He’s suffering. He won’t eat and he’s lost so much weight – he’s the pig in the family too usually.  He’s not himself.  I think the cancer has spread.

It’s going to be a hard week, but I have to remind myself that he wants me to be happy and he will no longer be in pain. I’m going to miss my boxer boy. He’s the best!