I didn’t realize at the time, but there were many red flags in my relationship with my ex. I never really learned what red flags are.
I know now that the ones I saw were:
- Jealousy – right from the start he was jealous. He didn’t let me have a celebrity crush. He thought I was hooking up with his best friends when I am very loyal. There was so much jealousy that it scared me.
- Snooping – He looked in my phone. Most times he searched through my stuff without asking and would blame me if I said one word (even a good word) about him. It wasn’t his business to read my friends messages.
- Hatred – He hated children. He hated my friends. He hated my family. He once told me that he would kill my children if I had any with him. He said he hated children and would make sure I never had any.
- Mood changes – One moment he’d be perfectly calm and the next he’d be yelling. I’d have to tell him to step out of the room at times.
- A secretive past – He never told me about his past. He would say he was bullied and that people didn’t like him, but he wouldn’t tell me details for months. I told him, but he wouldn’t open up. I know he’d never been with a woman before, but now I really don’t know what’s the truth.
- Keeping me from my activities – He wouldn’t let me go to my sorority because I had to spend time with him. He wouldn’t let me ride my horse because I couldn’t “love” anyone other than him. Every time I had plans to be with someone other than him, he’d get mad. He could go out. It was different for him.
- Controlling – He’d say that he had the right. I was a girl and he had the right to do what he wanted.
- Isolation – He didn’t want me to hang out with my friends because he hated them. He didn’t want me to ride my horse because he said it was me or the horse (as said in #6). I was stuck with him. I had to answer my phone every time he called or else I’d hear it from him.
- Constant communication – He would constantly call me. I remember I’d tell him that I was going to eat dinner and I’d call him after I’d done. He’d call and text 20 times within an hour. I’d have to tell him when my meal came. I’d have to tell him when I was getting up. Every single time. It got really bad too
- Sexual nagging – He’d nag me till I’d say yes. It didn’t matter if we had it 7 times in a weekend. If he wanted it, he’d get it. If I was tired or sick, he didn’t care and he’d still nag. That is rape I realized…
Remember you shouldn’t have to feel scared or to watch what you say. I’ve learned that there may be a reason why we might be scared. Also, animals sometimes know when someone is an abuser. I know my dogs never liked him…
There are so many signs I saw. He’s a textbook case of an abuser. If you’re wondering what flags are I’ll post a few websites:
What are the red flags that you saw if you were in an abusive relationship?