A year after being raped… My haunted past

I wanted to post this as I feel it’s crucial to know what it’s like to be raped. I’ve gotten a lot of “oh that doesn’t sound bad” or “just get over it”. In the past year, I’ve suffered from memories rising. Trauma does that to you – it blocks your memory. You remember certain bits, but later other things come up.

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Meeting Him

I first heard about him through a family friend that knew him. She said there was this nice guy that I should meet.  I added him on a social networking site and started talking to him. He seemed shy, but I was used to that. After about half a month of talking to him, I asked for his number. He said he wouldn’t give it to me. I thought it was strange that he didn’t give me his number.  I didn’t have a phone with internet back then, so I didn’t know how I was going to contact him if we were going to meet.

I didn’t think he was going to ask me out. It had been a month of talking online and we were getting no where.  I asked him out. At first he refused.  When I mentioned just dinner he said okay.

On October 6th, we met.  My parents drove me there and he was standing there at the door wearing a white hoody. He looked really shy, but he started talking once we ate dinner.

We had decided before that if the date went well, he’d come to my house.  I got in his car. He held the door open for me and I thought he was a gentleman.  We watched a movie – Rock of Ages.  After the movie ended, my parents came home.  He talked sports with my dad until they went to bed.  After they went upstairs, we had our first kiss.  He said he didn’t want to move too fast.  I was fine with that and we hugged goodnight and exchanged numbers.

The next weekend, he asked me to be his girlfriend.  I figured he changed his mind and wanted to move faster.

I did not know that he wanted quick involvement, was manipulative, jealous, and controlling.  I did not know what he would become.