I keep meaning to post, but life has been so busy. I started EMDR. My first real session was last week. I know it will help me. It was just a bit scary to uncover feelings. I couldn’t describe what I was feeling. I felt a bit numb and dissociated for awhile afterwards. I heard it’s common to feel like that. There’s a lot to uncover. I don’t know if I will, but hopefully I will come to peace with it. If anyone wants to start EMDR, try it! I think it helps and I’m also learning stress relief techniques which help me during the session. Life’s been busy though. I think I’m finally starting to move on!
I’ve learned that keeping busy helps me. I now work full time so I’m always busy. Busy helps the bad stress. It keeps my mind occupied. I may still be stressed, but it’s a different kind of stress. I’m finally moving on. I’m living my life again and I feel that I can be happy sometime soon!
I haven’t been on much lately because I have gotten back into horseback riding. I found my cure for stress – horses. I love horses. I can be having the worst day and everything will be better. I am now riding 3 days a week and am leasing a horse. I love him so much and he is the sweetest boy. I’m never sad or dissociating around him. My trainer said “Don’t add onto his stress.” I know now, that no matter what kind of day I’m having, I will never add onto the horse’s stress. When an artist is depressed and they go to paint all their sadness go away. When I ride, all my fears and stress go away. I’m happy to say that I have found my cure of this pain. I was born to gallop.
This is my horse:
I feel like I’m in circles and circles of stress. Everyone I love is stressed and anytime I plan something, it goes out of wack. Since my dog died, this has probably been the worst week. I’m ready to have a breakdown/panic attack. Think I may be panicking right now. I just don’t know how much more stress I can take and I don’t even have school stress right now. Eh will this week be over? 😦